A Sign of God's Love...

Dear Sisters,

I’ve had a rough time getting an email off this week, but I haven’t forgotten you. :)

As we interviewed most of you concerning visiting teaching last month, I asked many of you: “Why you do your visiting teaching?”  As I listened to your reply, I was reminded several time of how Adam responded when the angel asked him why he offered sacrifices.  He responded:

“I know not, save the Lord commanded me.”

And then the Angel proceeded to explain that,

“This thing is a similitude of the sacrifice of the Only Begotten of the Father, which is full of grace and truth.”

 (Pearl of Great Price, Moses 5:6-7)

Sometimes we do things in an effort to be obedient without understanding why, and what a wonderful place to begin!  However, I hope that you search your hearts for a deeper understanding, so that your testimony of Visiting Teaching can begin to grow. 

I am going to break a little bit from a traditional message and share some personal thoughts from my own precious sisters.  They are amazing ladies, and I actually asked them that same "Why" question in a group text.  I thought their experiences were inspiring, and hope that in sharing them, perhaps you will identify or feel encouraged.  (I apologize for the length. If you can’t read it all, at least read the underlined bits.)

My Precious Sister-in-Law:

I have to admit visiting teaching has never been easy for me and I don't necessarily love it. I often get assigned to people I wouldn't naturally enter into a close friendship with, who are struggling, or who are impossible to schedule with. So I can see why some sisters can get discouraged or struggle with it because sometimes it is hard. However, I do have a testimony of it and that's what keeps me going.

I see the visiting teaching program as a sign that God loves us so much that he doesn't want us to feel alone, friendless, or desperate especially in darkest hours.  Visiting teachers are entitled to receive revelation on how to best help the ladies they are over and in that sense it's a way that the Lord can minister to his children's needs. It's really a beautiful thing.

Currently, in my new ward, I have felt lonely. I have been here four months with no sign of visiting teachers or even a visiting teaching assignment, even though I have asked. I contrast this somewhat friendless time in my life, with my time in Ohio when my visiting teachers made such an effort to be true friends to me, and I can't help but think what a difference that would make in my life right now. I am fairly independent and can manage fine and keep busy and my testimony is strong, but what if I were someone in this new ward with no friends, dealing with something tragic or with illness or a wavering testimony? The Lord doesn't want anyone to slip through the cracks.

I also think of the sweet experiences I had in Ohio with the three ladies I visit taught. One was a sweet sister who's husband was a very busy plastic surgeon resident with three little kids. She really needed the support of her friends and visiting teachers. And everything I tried to go out of my way to do for her seemed to mean so much to her.

Another sister was a convert from Cameroon, with a heavy accent.  She hadn't been to church in ten years because of her job. We were her only contact with the ward, really. When she was able to switch jobs and start coming to church again, she at least knew my partner and I, and when she and her husband were able to receive their endowments and be sealed in the temple, my companion and I were able to go through right by her side.

The third sister was a single lady who was forty and had a bipolar disorder. When I became her visiting teacher, she was a mess. She was just about to get knee surgery and was struggling financially and trying to finish nursing school while working full time. She needed food, rides everywhere, her garbage taken out, her guinea pigs cages cleaned, her ice machine for her knee changed, and most of all, moral support. I organized everything and stopped by her house at least once a day and gave her many rides. I often had a bad attitude about it, but it made such a difference in her life. Over the two years I was her visiting teacher, she struggled with many things and was often almost suicidal. She was often crying on our couch, getting blessings from from my husband, or sleeping in our basement. I expected our relationship to be one sided and a bit of an emotional drain for me.  There were times at first when it was, but I was surprised when it developed into a true and deep friendship that was far from one sided. She became very close with my little daughter, and she would often invite me to movies or to grab a piece of cake at a bakery or to the zoo. And when I was alone in Ohio while my husband was driving the moving truck across the country, who do you think was there helping me clean, bringing me treats, and keeping me company?

I learned so much from these three ladies about the Lord’s love for his children through them. We often think of visiting teaching as one sided, but many time it was the people I taught who were there for me in times of need. I was far from perfect at doing an official message each month, but I tried to focus on their needs, even though they were all so different, and as I did, I could really feel the Lord’s love for them and for me through visiting teaching.

It is so nice to simply not feel invisible. The small things we can do to help the people we teach not feel invisible or alone can make a huge difference, even if they don't physically or emotionally seem to need help. It made me feel so good when one of my visiting teachers decorated my door the night before my birthday!

Striving to have the spirit is the key. One lady I taught years ago never seemed to need anything and always seemed happy. We didn't have the deepest connection, but we were still friends. One time when I had to do the visiting alone, I felt prompted to say "I know you never need anything from me, but is there anything you just need to talk to someone about or to vent about?" And she broke down crying and told me all about her infertility struggles. I'm not sure that I had much to say in return, but later she told me how much had needed to just say it all out loud to someone. The spirit can help us, but I think we become more entitled to that revelation if we are consistently trying to befriend them and visit our sisters.

My Amazing Baby Sister: 

​

I have struggled with visiting teaching and I still do sometimes, just because I'm not the best conversationalist,  I don't anyways feel like the women "need" me (they're already so put together) and truthfully I'm exhausted with my calling and being a mom to smalls. It's sometimes tough for me to ask "can I take your little rambunctious two year old for you so you can have a break?" when I already have one of my own plus three more. And sometimes it's hard to give a real spiritually uplifting thought when I'm trying to calm my son who is screaming and crawling up my body because he's terrified of the giant dog sitting in the couch, :) Or I know my baby needs a nap and we've been visiting for two hours, and I go home thinking I was just a warm body in the room.

I'm sounding like a downer and I don't mean to be, but I'm just saying "I get it." Sometimes we might feel like it's a waste of time. BUT then I remember the times where having visiting teachers come to visit me and get to know me has meant the world to me. When I first moved to here, I was so intensely lonely. Technically I was fine, I was busy with a new baby and I didn't HAVE to have someone to talk to, but boy, it would have been nice. 

Last year, I got a visiting teacher who tried so hard to be thoughtful. She would drive by the house and notice me unloading groceries and she would stop to help me. She was one of the only ward members at the time who I felt brave enough to tell about my blog.  And she looked at it regularly and encouraged me. She even looked to see my list of "favorites treats" and she brought them to me on my birthday. They were just little things but I felt like I actually had a friend who cared about me.

I have to think of those things and pray for small things within my limited capacity that I can do for the women I visit teach, even if it's just saying something kind. I remind myself that it means a lot to me to have someone come to my house and care about me; maybe it would mean something to them.

Whether the situations end in a positive experience or not, all women have a chance to become more Christ-like, with an opportunity to stretch and grow. I guess that's what I've always fallen back on. Whether I make a friend or not, I know that it's giving me the opportunity to do what Christ would do.

_____

My other sister-in-law suggested that “a big part of visiting teaching is just knowing who you teach and knowing who teaches you. It would be great if we could get rid of the guilt that comes with not being a perfect visiting teacher or getting the "right numbers".”

My hope is that we can all begin to see visiting teaching as a sign of God’s love for his daughters, and an opportunity to become more like our Savior.

I love you sisters!  Hope you have a Happy Halloween! Don’t eat too much candy. ;)

Sincerely, 

Lydia